Updated 6/28/18.
When Germany whips out its Weener, it’s hard not to be impressed. Okay, then again, let’s not get too excited, and reasonable expectations are crucial to enjoying what this little, historical town in the Lear District of Lower Saxony can provide. After all, it’s all about the motion, not the size of the Weener.
Weener Germany: Lots of Organs
Now, Weener does not put the “sax” into Saxony in the way Fleur East likes it, but the quaint town has some impressive organs on display. Various pipes that filled the souls of composers such as Scheidemann, Reincken and Buxtehude can be found at the Weener Organ Museum. There’s a joke in here somewhere, but we’ll let you come up with it.
If the museum doesn’t have enough organs to satisfy your fantasies, swing by the Parish Church George, which houses a famous Arp Schnitger organ. When it comes to big pipes, Mr. Schnitger couldn’t get enough: during the 17th century, he built more than 150 organs, some of which are still in use today.
Those not lost in pipe dreams can slip into a local cafe to enjoy Weener’s East Frisian tea drinking culture – we know, culture is hardly the first thing that pops into your head when you think of a town named Weener.
A Spot of Tea in Weener Germany
Germany? Tea? Did you read that correctly? Yes, we all know Oktoberfest, but Germans drink more coffee (an average of 150 liters per year) than they do beer (28 litters per year). However, when you’re deep in Weener and sucking it up like an East Frisian, life is about tea time. And everytime is tea time, so be prepared to have the delicate beverage served in the morning, mid-afternoon and evening.
Weener tea is usually accompanied by organs – just kidding.
It’s actually served with Kluntje rock candy. But if hard nuggets of sugar and the instantaneous high that results aren’t your jam, don’t hesitate to ask for some heavy cream and cookies.
If all this Weener tea is getting you hot, cool down at Eis Cafe Venezia, which dishes out heavenly scoops of homemade ice cream. Other dining options on the Weener menu are Bei Ghulam, which has Middle Eastern and Pakistani dishes, as well as a couple pizzerias: Pizza-Stubchen and Pizzeria La Grotta – which also sells gyros and kebabs.
Pronouncing “Weener Germany”
Before we go on, we’ve got to be honest, you’re probably hearing “Weener” in your head wrong. It’s pronounced with a “V” sound, not a “W”. So it’s “veːnɐ” – I know, we were also super disappointed about that.
So, Weener is no Anus, France; Cockermouth, England; or Lake Titicaca, Peru, but it’s certainly on the rise, and has been so since it was founded in 951AD. On that note, you’ve got to check out this full list of funny city names – did you know there’s a Batman, Turkey?
Local Attractions in Weener Germany
Those turned on by historical dates in Weener need to dive into The Heimatmuseum, which houses Reiderland and East Frisian region historical artifacts from the Stone Age to present.
History buffs will also love the two-Euro town tour (what a steal!), which usually swings by the Georgskirche, or St. George’s Church, built in 1230, as well as the facade of Fronehaus and the Friesenbrucke, a single-track, non-electric railway bridge completed in 1926 and destroyed by a cargo ship with no respect for history in 2015.
Since Weener is so close to the Netherlands (just a 2 hour drive away!), it features tons of windmills. Hilariously, one Weener windmill erected in 1786 was dismantled in 1977 and moved to Nijeveen, Netherlands.
It was a blow that momentarily took the wind out of the Weener community.
If you like museums and travel, you might also enjoy our in-depth guide to penis museums around the world.
Need a break from Wenner history? Book a house for a couple days at the Marina Park on the Ems. Each cute little house has a private boat dock, making it easy to charter a yacht while you’re enjoying the ebb and flow of the Ems. Or skip the yacht and jump on a bike to explore the German Fehnroute, which brings you past old windmills, castles and endless canals.
Attractions Outside Weener Germany
Close to Weener are a few larger cities and tourist destinations that are worth a visit, such as Leer, Emden and of course the island of Borkum.
Emden, previously known as Amuthon, Embda, Emda, and Embden, sits at the mouth of the River Ems with the Netherlands on the opposite bank. If you book ahead, it’s possible to poke around their Volkswagen plant. How neat is that?
However, most people are usually only passing through Emden on their way to Borkum, the largest of the East Frisian Islands. Borkum, situated in the North Sea, has a rough seafaring and whaling history. If you make it this far from Weener, skip the German sausages and dig into piles of seafood at either Restaurant Sudhauk or Knurrhahn.
Much closer to our dear Weener and also worth visiting is Leer. Leer, which means “empty” in German, is anything but that. Though stuffed with culture year round, things don’t really get flowing until the taps open up for Gallimarkt, the seventh biggest Oktoberfest in Germany.
Of course, there’s also Berlin, but that’s 525 kilometers away. Berlin, thick with history and thumping with a non-stop-party scene, is rightfully the capital of Germany. But sometimes you need to escape the chaos and get some Weener action.
In a world that is more open to travel – and sexual exploration – we say suggest you give Weener a chance. Who knows? Maybe you’ll like it.
For those proud of their Weener experience, or jealous of those that have explored Weener before them, grab a Weener tank top.
Here’s the unisex/men’s Weener Germany tank:
And the women’s Weener Germany tank:
If you’ve tried Weener and it’s not your thing, why not head to Titicaca, Peru – or at least pretend you’ve motorboated the highest navigable lake in the world with a Lake Titicaca tank top?
How To Get To Weener Germany
Now that you understand that no trip to Germany is complete without Weener, you can either fly into the nearest German airport, Emden, and then take the train to Weener, or you can fly into Groningen in the Netherlands, and take the train from there. It’s also possible to grab a train from Bremen.
What do you love most about Weener? Tweet your thoughts at @tanksgetaround, and we’ll share our favorites!
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